Upon Book Release
Written by the author 11/24/03

As this book is submitted to the public, I am delighted to say that God continues to love me, to teach me, and to conform me to the image of Christ. While the scale continues to show me numbers I don't like, I have changed in these past two years: I am at peace with God's choice of timing and plans for my life, my body, and my future.

I remember wondering about all this on that day when I completed the final devotional, just 31 days after I began. On that day, I was pondering the miracle of the lessons I'd learned, and how, often during the process, I had actually pushed the keyboard away exclaiming, "No! I do not even believe that!" Each time, God, would lead me back to His Word and the truth in the Scriptures that He needed me to see.

That final day, I was feeling relieved. I was confident that the manuscript could now gather dust until I "had arrived" at my goal weight, at which point God could "really" use me.

About then, I had this odd thought, "Would it be of greater benefit, from God's perspective, if I were free from my weakness in this area before sharing this message or if I were to tell His story while yet in seeming-captivity, physically imperfect, yet at peace: knowing that my release had been paid for in full, but not yet delivered?"

I knew which way I wanted things to go, but I honestly didn't have an answer.

Amazing as it seems to me, I now have peace to submit this labor of love to you. So, practically speaking, and for the moment, I guess I have my answer.

Many questions remain, but what I do know, at a deep, heart level, is this:

I used to believe that it was my job to abstain from sin. I lived with that as my goal and obsession: I was often overcome with grief and hopelessness.

Now I believe that it is my job to focus on Jesus and His ability to live through me. When I sin, it is then my job to believe for and receive His forgiveness, just like I did the first time.

I'd love to be serving Jesus from the comfort of my "dream" body, and someday I will, either here or in heaven. But until then, I'll just look to Jesus, from whence comes my Help.

For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God's power we will live with Him to serve you. II Corinthians 13:4
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NOTE FROM MARNIE
Written on 12/30/01
(before the book began)

My journey of dieting discouragements began at age 14. I remember it perfectly! On that day the scale announced I was up, from my normal 108, to a sobering 111 pounds.

It was shortly after that time that I was humiliated when the zipper on my favorite pair of jeans popped in front of my future brother-in-law, of all people!

Ever since, the diets have been numerous, the prayers have been constant, and the roller coaster has been as nauseating as it has been ineffective.

At the age of 15, trying desperately to keep the pounds off, I joined a health club. One day my instructor didn't show up, and I, knowing the routine by then, took over the class. The rest is history: I went on to manage three Spa Petite Health Clubs after which I owned a corporate fitness business called, "Forever Fit."

I have been on every imaginable diet including weeks of eating nothing but chicken breasts and egg whites.

I have exercised compulsively, at my peak: 4 hours per day (2 hours teaching aerobic dance, one hour of weight-lifting and one hour of ballet).

I have gained and lost thousands of pounds. One year I used a daily weight log and figured out that I'd lost 78 pounds
but gained 87.

Today, at age 40 and weighing in at about two hundred pounds, I can honestly say that, while I am saddened by my size, I am grateful for this life-long battle with weight control.

I can be thankful because I can see that God has taught me countless valuable lessons (of humility, patience, faith, grace, mercy, etc.) through my years of struggling with this obvious and repetitive sin failure.

Don't get me wrong: being fat isn't a sin! But for me, the gluttony, deception, control issues, and numerous other self-sins that have lead to excess poundage, are a burden to my heart.

Everyday, sometimes many times a day, I confess my wrong-thinking about food. Less often, but far too often for my preferences (and the scales' satisfaction), I confess and repent wrong actions involving food.

At these times, at all times, really, I rely fully on the saving grace and forgiveness of the cross of Christ. I often repeat the promise from Romans 8:1 which says, "There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Since I am in Christ Jesus, I find much comfort here.